My Mental Health Story

So here we are!! Blue Healing is live and in action now!!

Since making this website, I've been thinking a lot of how far I have come over the past couple of years and how different I am a person since tackling the mental health stigma and sharing my story.

Since sharing my story nearly two years ago, I have managed to gain a full time job, volunteer at a place that has both a great community spirit and fantastic people, both staff and volunteers, who I've become friends with, branched out with my meditation practices and got to attend the 70th anniversary celebration of one of the mental health charities I support greatly and meet the people who helped and supported me during the difficult patch I went through.

Below is a slightly updated version of what I shared.

As you probably know, anyone can experience a mental health problem at any time.

In my case, I was in my second year at university, studying for a subject that I loved when I started to struggle. A close friend moved away, my grades were slipping, and my course work was getting on top of me. Yet I didn’t let anyone know how anxious I was feeling. I kept it all bottled up inside because I was embarrassed; afraid of what people’s reaction would be if they knew I wasn’t coping. Then one day, it all came pouring out.

The crunch point came at university. I was being pressured into something which I didn’t want to do, and I felt overwhelmed. I had a big emotional reaction and then crashed to a really low point.

I thought, I can’t carry on living like this, so I told my parents that I needed professional help. They was so supportive – and so was my GP, who referred me for counselling, which led to some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

As it was, I spent my summer holidays getting better, returned to university and achieved my degree leaving on a high with a 2.1. It was only after graduating that I started to feel the tell-tale signs of not coping. After 17 years in education, finding my feet in a competitive job market was tough; I kept getting shortlisted for roles I really wanted but nothing quite came off. I could feel the pressure starting to mount, so rather than letting things get on top of me again, I sought help for a second time.

I was referred for a different kind of CBT, which involved setting personal goals – and in a roundabout way, this is what bought me to raising awareness of mental health.

I got involved with a voluntary group, working on a ‘social action’ campaign to educate 14 to 16-year-olds about mental health; what they could do in school to help themselves and support each other.

This experience made me determined to raise money for a mental health charity. I looked at a few and when I came across a range of charities related to mental health , I was blown away by all the mental health self-help resources on each website. This then led me to the Challenges pages and that’s how I decided to climb Mount Snowdon for one of those charities.

They were so helpful and encouraging, and manage to raise a huge amount for them.

As I’ve now discovered, Mental Health charity guides and podcasts give such useful and accessible information about the challenges we all face in life.

It’s not just that these tools are evidenced-based that’s so reassuring; it’s the fact that other people are willing to share their stories and talk on the podcasts, which proves to people like me that we are not alone. And when you’re dealing with your own demons, it can be so helpful to know that you’re not the only one who is going through it.

I’ve also found mindfulness & meditation really useful and has given me the confidence to try other slightly advanced sessions, such as sound bath meditation, something I have thoroughly enjoyed and haven’t looked back on.

Thinking about my own experience has made me realise, we need to do a whole lot better in terms of raising awareness and tackling stigma around mental health especially with young people.

Knowing what I know now, I can see that my problems really started at the age of 14 but I didn’t have the courage to talk about them until I was in my 20s. I was worried about being ridiculed or seen as a weirdo. That’s why I really like the green ribbon symbol as it makes mental health a lot more visible – and just normalises it.

Schools have such a vital role to play. And while my generation just missed out on initiatives, I’m glad that future generations are getting the benefit of that. I hope they will be able to talk more openly.

This is especially true for men. I know we’re not all the same but many of us struggle to express our feelings.

Right now, my mental health is really good. I’m looking after myself, using online tools when I need to and preparing to take the next steps in my life personally and professionally.